Ankh-Morpork Royal Art Museum

There is one obvious exit: backward.

Seven-plus-one staves by Camelion

Curator's note: this is a replication of Camelion's article that appeared in edition 152 of the AM Daily. The staves were displayed in the Royal Art Museum in 2014.

These are the staves I made as gifts for the Senior Wizards of the Unseen University. They were passed to the present Seniors at the Octathlon's Closing Ceremony. It is my hope that they will start a wizardly tradition and be passed from Senior to Senior as one's term ends and the other begins.

Every bit was carefully chosen to fit the order. Many types of wood, beeswax and ink were considered for their associations, and the results are presented here.
Each staff is also engraved with "Crafted for order Senior wizard by Master Camelion Sinensis" and the official pattern of its order. The Hoodwinkers' staff has what some would call a typo in its engraving, but those who know better are aware that it's merely an illusion.

For Lodgers, a firelight red mahogany staff:
Slender and wieldy, this staff is six feet of mahogany shaped and balanced to be almost perfect for spellcasting or banishing demons the violent way. It has been expertly stained firelight red.
It has been polished to a lustrous sheen with beeswax which breathes the scent of cinnamon into the air around it.
It has been engraved with a cosy-looking three-story house in its own gardens, with net curtains and a "Vacancies" sign swinging on a post at the front. You could almost fancy that a twitch of the net curtains revealed a stuffed crocodile hanging from the ceiling inside.
It appears to have something written on it.

For Last Order, a poisonous purple ash staff:
Slender and wieldy, this staff is six feet of ash shaped and balanced to be almost perfect for spellcasting or banishing demons the violent way. It has been expertly stained poisonous purple.
It has been polished to a beautiful sheen with beeswax which breathes the scent of blood, sweat, and tears into the air around it.
A very elegant and lethal-looking circle of staves, knives, broken bottles, scorpions, poison phials, ornate warhammers, and magical flames has been elegantly engraved on it.
It appears to have something written on it.

For Shadows, an eerie black ebony staff.
Slender and wieldy, this staff is six feet of ebony shaped and balanced to be almost perfect for spellcasting or banishing demons the violent way. It has been expertly stained eerie black.
It has been polished to a gleaming sheen with beeswax which breathes the scent of smoke and brimstone into the air around it. It has been beautifully engraved with the silhouette of a succubus in a seductive pose, her barbed tail curled around one hoofed leg.
It appears to have something written on it.

For Seers, a Hogswatch tree green pine staff.
Slender and wieldy, this staff is six feet of pine shaped and balanced to be almost perfect for spellcasting or banishing demons the violent way. It has been expertly stained Hogswatch tree green.
It has been polished to a gleaming sheen with beeswax which breathes the scent of old dusty books into the air around it.
A crystal ball on an ornately carved stand adorns the Hogswatch tree green pine staff. The beautifully detailed engraving is precisely drawn enough that it's possible to make out a scene within it - the Great Hall of Unseen University atHogswatchnight.
It appears to have something written on it.

For my adopted brothers of Silver Stars, a gleaming silver larch staff.
Slender and wieldy, this staff is six feet of larch shaped and balanced to be almost perfect for spellcasting or banishing demons the violent way. It has been expertly stained gleaming silver.
It has been polished to a gleaming sheen with beeswax which breathes the scent of iron and brass into the air around it.
A finely-detailed engraving of an wizard's staff and two crossed smith's hammers adorns the gleaming silver larch staff. It's even possible to make out the grain in the wood of the staff.
It appears to have something written on it.

For Hoodwinkers, a powder blue cedar staff.
Slender and wieldy, this staff is six feet of cedar shaped and balanced to be almost perfect for spellcasting or banishing demons the violent way. It has been expertly stained powder blue.
It has been polished to a gleaming sheen with beeswax which breathes the scent of myrrh into the air around it.
It has been beautifully engraved with a dapper upturned top hat and an ivory-tipped wand drumming on the brim, as if to reach in and twirl something out. There seems to be something lurking inside the hat - perhaps a rabbit, perhaps the flags of all nations, perhaps something altogether more peculiar.
It appears to have something written on it.

For Midnights, a tombstone grey elm staff.
Slender and wieldy, this staff is six feet of elm shaped and balanced to be almost perfect for spellcasting or banishing demons the violent way. It has been smoothly stained tombstone grey.
It has been polished to a lustrous sheen with beeswax which breathes the scent of night-blooming cereus into the air around it.
It has been engraved with a baroquely detailed skull, surrounded by a circle of finger bones and teeth arranged in the shape of a funeral wreath. The hollow eyes speak a tale of woe and despair, and the dead fingers almost seem to beckon you into their circle.
It appears to have something written on it.

And finally, for Circles, a winter white willow staff.
Slender and wieldy, this staff is six feet of willow shaped and balanced to be almost perfect for spellcasting or banishing demons the violent way. It has been smoothly stained winter white.
It has been polished to a gleaming sheen with beeswax which breathes the scent of rain into the air around it.
It has been engraved with an ornately swirled circlet, the patterns irresistibly bringing to mind flame and wind and waves breaking on the shore. The beautiful engraving is detailed enough that the flames seem to flicker in the wind, the wind drive the waves before it, and the waves break endlessly on the solid eternal cliff. It appears to have something written on it.

The Lodgers' staff gave me the most trouble, and the wizards channel thought I was going crazy due to my constant inquiries about mahogany. All was fine and well in the end. I have made sure they know I am only crazy when it comes to hoarding inks.